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The phallus is what’s commonly referred to as the shaft of the penis, and it includes a couple of erogenous zones. The glans is the top of the phallus, usually referred to as the “head,” and the frenulum is a thin strip of connective tissue on the underside of the glans that can be particularly sensitive to targeted stimulation. Circumcision can leave only a partial frenulum behind or remove it entirely. Both of these areas can be sensitive to internal and external stimulation. “If they shut down, be empathetic and curious about it,” DeRosa says. “Looking at toys together can help your partner feel like it’s not a slight against them.” If they open up to the idea, taking a look at the vast variety out there together can help you choose a toy that works for both.
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Beyond bolstering emotional intimacy, “toys are a great asset to increase arousal,” says Jenni Skyler, PhD, a certified sex therapist based in Colorado. Using a sex toy can also help heterosexual couples close the orgasm gap, adds Deindorfer, which is the term used to describe the difference in frequency of orgasm when women and men have sex. Considering many vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, bringing in a toy that does just that (and more!) can help ensure couples have a mutually satisfying sexperience. Of course, there are many toys designed specifically for same-sex couples’ pleasure as well, like a double-ended strap-on dildo.
